Shld you stay or go is a question only you can answer. Do you want to let her tag you along, while she's taking her time and enjoying your treatment, while you spent your life as a yoyo? Are you willing? There's no right or wrong, its about what you want? If you want happiness, where are you going with her? I can only say, "if I were you" I would break it off as I wont be able to take it like that.

Its whether we are in or we are out, and no half half. If you can handle her for how she is now, despite the possibility that she cld possible dump you in the end, and still prefer to stick with her for as long as possible despite your heartache that she's causing you, its your choice. If you feel that she is destroying you, and you would prefer to be happier and not destroyed, then you should let her go. Its all up to you, your own happiness, your future, your desire, your suffering, your actions, ... she will decide for herself, and you yourself. Do not think that you can decide for her, nor she for you. If you let her decide for you, then you are just being a puppet.

someone sent it to mi on fridae
we faced similar probs.. dating a 10 yrs older woman
situation almost e same..
n i got her word of advice.

up till now..
i still cant fully accept tt shes no longer mine..
wad i accepted was she will nv be e same like b4..

visited the canal few days ago
a place where i always frequent whenever im down..
my mood was low and tears just come..
its been sooo long since i experience tis pain..

i feel helpless..

i know feeling sad wun help matters..
wads over will be over..
its just.. i sitll love her v much..

managed to just msg her without hoping she will reply..
well she did but it nv help to ease my fragile hrt..
guess i shd stop all tis pathetic moves n get on wif my life..

she's not feeling e way i feel..

i know i will be ok..
its just tt i dunno when..

12:27 PM;
I made my mark

went out yest.. need to get some air to forget abt things..
went chilling wif gary, LC, my sis...
was walking n joking n lauging n lookin at gers..
it's like going back to my life before she came in..
only difference is.. i miss her lots...

ate sushi den saw tis ger v sweet looking..
who knows.. she say "excuse mi!!" real loud!!
looks can be decivings..
maybe she too hungry tts y shouted loudly to gain ppl's attention.. hahahaha

plan to watch Happy feet (again)
end up making lots of unwanted trips den nv watch..
but i brought a ring though..
with her name inside..



dun ask mi y i do tt..
i refused to get couple rings when we r together
coz im worried tt we will break up..
now tt we no longer together,
i feel like doing something as a memory for our r/s

anyway, we went to eat mac..
alot of ppl and we were taking pics at PS..
i was v full even though i din reli eat much..
so.. ya.. e photos...



our meal...







tt's big head gary



n finally our christmas tree.........

was home exactly at 12am..
but im not cinderalla..
im heartbroken prince..
haha..

off to work later..
got no mood..
but have to do wad i need to do..
so..

shall update again..


hope u r doing well..

1:33 PM;
I made my mark

its been days since my heart was broken..
its been like hundred of hours since i allow myself to wallow in self-pity..
its just yest tt i tout we still have something special..
its just few hours ago tt i realise i shd reli let go..

i still couldnt figure it out e reason for not letting go totally..
my heart was bruised and wounded..
my beliefs were totally wrong..
my expectations were not met..
n most impt of all,there's no more trust..

watched "Happy Feet" with her yest..
accompany her to buy christmas presents too..
there's tis emptiness in mi whenever i look at her..
theres tis yearning to love again, but e "STOP SIGN" kept popping out..
truth be told, i expected more from my gf..
n she cant give mi wad i wan..

its good if we r frds again like before..
when i look back to past, reading my diary,
seeing those entries back when we were just frds..
its sooo much simple than now..
but alas!! we cant turn back time as when we like..
if only i can know wad will happen in e future..

lo po zai... i reli love u with all my heart.. i reli tried hard to start all over again. yet deep down i know things were no longer e same.. e kiss u gave mi brought mi painful memories. noticed tt ur smile is more radiant now.. n i like how ur eyes look at mine.. but now no more sweet msgs to pacify the insecure mi.. n i have to grow up w/o any caring msgs. u wan mi to behave like an adult.. but sadly, im still a kid.. having more expectations means greater disappointments.. i tout e kiss is a new start, a new beginning.. n yet.. ur actions r so fickle tt i duno wad to believe anymore.

i dun wan to tink anymore.. know u enjoyed urself when meeting pat again.. maybe she's still ur true happiness afterall.. my heart is bleeding but.. i will put plaster to it.. i will heal n move on.. thanks for the efforts put it.. may u find ur own happiness soon..

12:27 PM;
I made my mark

its been days since i totally lost myself..
going to work as if everything is ok..
actually hold back my tears alot of times during work..
think im reli getting emotional..

its so hard trying to make everything normal..
e emotional hurt n pain that comes whenever memories flashes by..
its normally at tis moment when i reli drop my tears..

i reli do admire her..
can feel e pain she had when she broke up wif pat..
im sure she's many times more worse than wad im feeling now..
im sure she can get over tis breakup wif mi..
im wondering how am i going to do it..

i wan her to be happy too..
letting her do wadever she wans, even breaking up..
but e pain i feel inside..
things now no longer the same..
not msging mi n telling mi tiny details..
i feel so left out so alone..
i seems to have lost my other half..

how to be normal again?
i know being together again is v much impossible..
though she gave mi a few msgs tt might suggest otherwise..
i knew its just her confusion..
she will get over it as time pass..

n mi?? trying damn hard to get things movin on again..
everywhere i go, everything i see..
it just reminds mi of her..
when im alone, tears flows like tap water..
trying so hard not to think..
n yet i know e harder i try, e more upset i am

she said she wans a talk..
i guess i know wad she wans to say..
i know im still not strong enough to hold my tears when i talk to her..
all kind of feelings will go through mi..
but i wan to appear strong..
strong enough tt she will leave mi without any guilt..

if i reli let my tears fall, i will just walk away

10:04 AM;
I made my mark

had a new start..
actually, barely started..
i haven get used to e life without her..

6 months.. gone like e wind..
at times tears just roll down without mi knowing..
its reli hard.. letting her go..

its not easy finding someone who u love n loves u in return..
next u have to learn how to maintain e r/s..
but i guess e hardest thing is letting go..

trying my best to make e right decision..
controlling myself not to think..
n yet, at tis moment, my heart is crying, again..

memories came to mi in every little thing i do..
thinking back abt e little msgs she sent mi..
recalling the love i felt at tt moment
thinking how much i love her..

my heart is broken into million pieces..

nobody taught mi how to carry on living like normal after e breakup..
im not sure how i shd react when i see or ard her..
e yearning to hug her or kiss her is so strong..
n yet... i cant do it..

i was there when she's alone n down..
now she's healed and strong enough to carry on
i guess my purpose is done ..
i shd be moving on..

torn in between..
the right n the wrong..
letting go, giving up, carry on..

no matter how painful i am
i know my heart is still with her..
i just wan her to be happy..
but how can a broken heart make others feel happy?

i duno how to go on from here..
day after day,
night after night
my love just gets stronger and my heart weaker

can i reli get through all tis and move on again??

9:46 PM;
I made my mark

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

9:57 AM;
I made my mark

Have you been in a relationship? your partner is with you but not with you?
she is with you physically but her heart is still pondering the chance of another relationship with another one....waiting for her to express her feelings to her?

she dun deny it. she loves you, but she is not sure you are the right one. she stil needs to search. you will be selfish, cos you dun want her to search. you are sure you are the one for her. but she is not.

you have her but you dun have her. you understand? you are still having her.

Will she be with you only if the other relationship turns out impossibble? will you feel rejected and rediculed? being used maybe?

sometimes you being to tell yourself you dun mind. you will take it even if she takes you as second best. at least you still have her. and because you love her so much. you dun care anymore. you dun even care if you have her but you dun have her.

you feel deep sense of lost and imbalance.

You have this feeling before?

"i have.."

11:20 AM;
I made my mark

having hope can indeed make 1 strive hard
but when e hope is being taken away..
it seems.. e whole sky's gone and u feel nothing....

wad is there to believe in when wad u always believe is not wad it seems to be?
i took pride in wad i do..
i worked hard hoping tt my future will be brighter..
but why is it tt no matter wad i do it seems to go down e drain??

im not articulate, nor witty or funny..
in fact ppl always say im so ... cool..
i too wan to be rowdy, be noisy and so full of shit..
tts wad im used to be too..
but now.. it seems.. i changed into another person..

whether its good or bad.. i duno..
was disappointed tt ppl dun recog wad i do..
n im pissed by e management..

im only 22.. still a long way to go..
in fact.. i cant seem find any strength to try harder..
all e setbacks n burdens are pulling mi down..
i feel so heavy..

give mi something to believe in..

7:58 PM;
I made my mark